We all want to be happy. The question is not so much whether we should strive for the goal of happiness. We will no doubt continue to seek it even if it is unwise to do so. Instead of debating that question, we might be better served in being curious about what happiness is, and whether what we are searching for will bring us the happiness we desire. Our discussion begins with a look at what is not likely to achieve our goal of happiness.

• We tend to think of happiness as a state of euphoria; a place where we have arrived at feeling good on a fairly continuous basis. If this is our goal, it cannot hope to be achieved. The human animal is an emotional creature, and we are nothing if not changeable in our emotional states. Not to be so would indicate a "stuckness" which we would, over time, find boring and tedious. We tend to normalize whatever we repeatedly experience over a period of time. Feeling good continually would begin to feel like just  "ok"...and would lead to a desire for more. Such, in fact, is the nature of addictions (which we are, by the way, quite familiar and at which we are skilled  practitioners.  I have never known any addiction to bring happiness to anyone!).
•  We sometimes believe that having more money, and the capability to buy whatever strikes our fancy, will lead to happiness, if we can acquire just the right amount of possessions (ie: lots of stuff, and certainly as much, if not more stuff, than other people have!) Need I explain why this will never work? Ok, maybe just a brief discussion on the subject. This is an excruciatingly important issue, in light of the current economic situation in the United States and the world. There is a great deal of panic and fear associated with the economic downturn, and I can't help but think that this panic and fear is in many cases misguided, and perhaps in many cases not even necessary. I am not attempting to minimize the plight of those folks without jobs, who cannot pay for even the most basic of basic needs, and who wonder whether they will soon be living on a friend or relative's couch, or worse, on the street. The financial situation for that type of scenario is, indeed, dire. But when I look around at a great many people who are panicking, I see that perhaps when people live above their means, are in serious debt, and are working long hours to support a lifestyle that has created that debt, I wonder what these people are scrambling to hang on to. Do they really even know anymore, or are they perhaps so caught up in the lifestyle "game" that they have lost sight of the real goal, which is, of course, to develop and nurture relationships, to contribute to the world in ways that express the gifts and talents we each have to offer, and to enjoy each moment of each day to the fullest. Trite? I think not. It may seem trite because it has been true for so long that we humans have normalized the notion to the point that it appears meaningless to us. And yet, there is a reason why the truth of it has stood the test of time. It works to create joy and satisfaction in our lives!
• Lastly, we seem to believe that other people in our lives will make us happy, if we could only get them to cooperate with what we believe they need to do to make us happy. At the onset of relationships, our friends and lovers tend to cooperate better with providing us with what we think we need. It is part of the beginning dance in any relationship to want to please, and to look for ways to impress and please our friends and potential partners. This gets old after a while, however, and we tend to revert to our default state of "What about me?" We want more reciprocity and are less concerned with the effect that desire might have on other people. So the struggle begins to get what we need, while our partner is still working hard to get what they need. The error, I believe, lies not in struggling to get what we think will make us happy, but in continuing our belief that it is other people's responsibility to make sure we get it, and it is their fault if we do not! We might want to rethink that notion, since as long as our happiness is in the hands of others; we have little control over whether happiness will result in what transpires in our lives to bring happiness to fruition.

These are just a few things that happiness is not, and that will not create happiness for us, no matter how hard we work to make it happen! It might be better for each of us to explore those things that are most likely to create joy in our lives, and take responsibility for working to achieve it for ourselves.
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